Do this and get to know him before meeting. It’s sort of a Predate. Requires prep before phone talk.

I have a few friends who are distance dating—I call it predating—and it has nothing to do with Covid. Why? One friend who’s recently met a “possible” says that if a guy who lives more than an hour away contacts her, she lets him do most of the work—doesn’t do any heavy driving, not at first. 

Instead, she distance dates to check him out. Proposes a talky phone date before meeting. 

And it’s more than simply talking on the phone. She prepares material as if she’s doing a stand-up act, at least the first time she talks to him. And she asks him to do the same. No kidding!

Apparently, when a guy has to work hard to get her attention, he’s more interested. Her method has landed her a first “real” date every time. So, yes, distance dating is a thing. 

The key is to provoke the guy’s curiosity. 

How? Talk about your quirks. Yes, your quirks. Your food quirks, ’cause everyone likes to talk about their addiction to mashed potatoes with caramelized onions or their mom’s macaroni and cheese recipe. The one with a few tablespoons of blue cheese. Talk about your thrift store finds ’cause everyone likes to talk about their adventures in ThriftLand. Or talk about your dearly-loved doggie, the contractor who gave you a bid four times above everyone else’s, the wine class or short story writing class you’re taking, your trip to Greece or Hoboken or to Whole Foods where you discovered their collection of almost homemade gourmet cookies.

Talk about a book, a movie, but be specific in your likes and dislikes.  

Tell a story, even if it’s a few lines. Let your real self out. Be specific. Keep it light. 

Write as if you’re talking to a friend.

Or do you eat the same breakfast every day? What and why? Love sci-fi romances? Horror?

What are one or two of your small pleasures in life? Do you get a kick out of collecting crazy masks? Order pizza with mashed potato topping? Love texting while watching a movie? That qualifies as a distance date if you’re both watching the same movie and discussing it.

Here’s a suggestion.

Try director Richard Linklater’s trilogy: Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight. Perfect for a post movie discussion and if these movies don’t get the two of you together, well, it wasn’t going to happen.

Have something to say. Do stuff. At this stage in life, you’ve got opinions, needs, wants and history. Use it. Make an effort. Make an effort so it shows and works for you. You know what I mean. 

A last suggestion, and this one is about your profile.

Btw, update your profile from time to time. Call it a work-in-progress.

And avoid these negative profile bloopers:

•  Adjective-overload: Honest, Hardworking, Affectionate, Humorous, Attractive, Fun-loving.

• Trying to be sexy: “I love high heels.”

• Being stuck in the past: “They don’t make ‘em (movies, cars, furnaces) like they used to.”

• Trying to warm her up with: “I love to cuddle in front of the fireplace.”

• Using this old cliche: “I love my life. But it would be better with the right man.”

• Refusing to put in the work: “Write a profile? It’s hard to talk about myself.”

• Being overly demanding: “You must be tall, financially stable, and have your own hair.”

• Going on and on about your kids or your grandkids. Save that for Facebook. Or a real date.

You’ve got a dating profile for one reason only. So people will contact you. 

Gentlemen, here’s the place to talk about test-driving that Mustang and keeping it overnight. (Don’t say how you wangled that one. Not yet. Keep it for the meet.)

Get feedback from that friend you’re pretending to talk to in your profile. In fact, run your profile by a few friends. Make dinner and invite them to your Profile Party.

Seriously.

Photos. You must have one or two really good photos. No getting around that one. (Don’t do major Photoshopping.)

Thinking of using some lame excuse not to post a photo? Are you willing to meet someone with NO photo?