What do you notice in the first few seconds on a first meet? His comb-over? Her weight?

This unscientific survey is brought to you courtesy of my friends (names changed) and acquaintances, all middle agedish and dating online. They were all asked the same question and yes, the sex card was played. Or at least mentioned.

What Women Notice in the First 5 Minutes

We pick up on certain things. Such as you asking us if we’d like an appetizer, for instance, so that glass of cabernet doesn’t go straight to a nervous, empty stomach. We didn’t have much time to eat—too busy primping for you

• In the 1st second … your smile. That’s how we know you’re a fun guy, out to make us happy. If it’s there, that’s all it takes to predispose us to liking you. “If a guy isn’t smiling when we meet,” says Brenda, 57, “I’m thinking he lacks basic social graces. My interest level plummets.”
• Around the 3rd second … we know if you’re shorter than your profile stats…or way shorter.
• The 4th second … tells us if you’re at ease with a bit of small talk. “So nice to finally meet you,” will do.
• By the 7th second … we’ll notice if you have hair or if you’re just pretending by doing the comb-over.
• After that … we’ve got a handle on your definition of average weight, even if it’s a loose definition. You men tend to go easier on yourselves than do we women.
• By the time we hit 45 seconds… we know if you’re confident in spite of hair loss and the break-up-induced weight gain you told us about on the phone.
• In a minute or two … we know if we’d consider sleeping with you. No, that doesn’t translate to sex on the first date. Certainly, that decision hinges on the whole darn evening and even then, we may not be sure.
• On the other hand, sometimes we know, within one to five minutes…if we positively never, ever want to sleep with you.

What Men Notice in the First 15 Seconds

We pick up on certain things, too. Yes, we’re visual creatures. Who isn’t? It’s likely we paid high attention to your photo, and we’re hoping you resemble it more than you don’t.

• In the 1st 15 seconds … we’ve checked out your face for a smile.
• In the 1st 15 seconds … we’re checking out your body. We like to be subtle about it, but it’s happening simultaneously with saying hello and trying to put you at ease. Did you post a ten-year-old-thinner-version-of-you?

In the 1st 15 seconds…we pretty much know if we want to sleep with you. You can destroy that feeling with a misplaced comment or body language that lets us know we aren’t getting there ever. But we’ve got thoughts. It doesn’t mean we’re plotting, but it’s a beginning. We can’t help it—we’re men. It’s normal.