The guy was past intense. Ten seconds into our very first phone conversation, he asked why my marriage broke up. I couldn’t hang up fast enough but had to stay on a few more minutes making nice.

He made a joke on the phone. I didn’t laugh.  ”Oh, you didn’t think that was funny,” he said. ”I’m laughing on the inside,” I said. The conversation pretty much died after that.

“Well, would you like to meet?” he asked after about twenty minutes on the phone. I told him sure. “Good," he said. "But let’s do a drive-by.” “What’s that?” I asked, dreading the answer. “Oh, a quickie meet. Ten minutes. Twenty tops. That way there’s no risk, nothing invested. A quick cup of coffee. No fuss, no muss.” I told him there was someone at my door and I’d call him back. He's still waiting.

John is a musician and a salesman. Except he hasn’t worked in over a year. Meanwhile he’s supporting himself with band gigs, playing guitar. “I play most Fridays and Saturdays. Come out and see me.” And he lists the venues for the next three weeks. Since we were on the phone, it was easy to fake writing down all the dates. Well, no risk on his part, right? He can sit on stage, play his guitar, and look cool.…

Yup, we were meeting for a glass of wine and he called that afternoon. He thought coffee was a better idea. “I’m just not into the bar scene,” he said. Since when is meeting over a glass of wine the bar scene? I think coffee meets are pretty lame but I agreed. The worst part was that he ended up canceling after all. In an e-mail.